Marie-Claire AssekoLife is a journey best traveled with a strong and supportive community. As women navigating careers and personal growth, particularly those from visible minorities, we often hear the phrase “it takes a village.” While this saying is commonly associated with raising children, it applies just as powerfully to our own growth and success.
Whether you’re a recent graduate stepping into your first role or a mid-career professional aiming for the next level, the right relationships can make all the difference in your journey.
Why Surrounding Yourself With the Right People Matters?
Because none of us can truly thrive in isolation 🌬️.
Each role we play – be it a leader at work, a friend, a family member, or an entrepreneur – requires different types of support, wisdom, and encouragement. The beauty of intentionally building our village lies in creating a network that uplifts us across all these dimensions—again, to thrive, not just survive.
Think of your life as a tapestry 🧶. The people you choose to surround yourself with are the threads that bring it to life. When woven thoughtfully, these threads create a masterpiece. The right people will:
- Push you to grow: Encouragement 🤗 during tough times makes challenges feel conquerable;
- Help you dream bigger: Exposure 🫱🏾🫲🏾 to diverse perspectives inspires new goals;
- Provide a safety net: Their support 🫂 ensures you never feel alone.
The overall impact? A life filled with purpose, confidence,
and joy—the ultimate trifecta of thriving.
But how do we identify and nurture these connections? Let’s dive into the power of building our village and how to bring the right people into our lives.
The Key Groups in Your Village
Your village is made up of distinct groups, each fulfilling unique roles in your personal and professional life. I was inspired (and comforted) by an interview of Hannah Awonuga, Partner and Group Head of Diversity and Inclusion at Knight Frank, to divide my village as follows.
1. Board of Directors: Your North Stars
Your personal board of directors comprises mentors who are ahead of you professionally or in life in general. Think of them as your life/career navigation system. But they’re not just mentors in the traditional sense; they’re your strategic advisors for major life/career decisions.
These are people who:
- Have walked paths similar to the one you envision for yourself;
- Offer wisdom for navigating leadership challenges or career pivots;
- Inspire you to dream bigger and reach higher;
They act as a compass 🧭, helping you avoid pitfalls and seize opportunities with clarity.
Your board might include:
- Former managers 👩🏾💼 who’ve genuinely invested in your growth;
- Like my first manager who not only shielded me from the fallout of a mistake but turned it into a growth opportunity,
- Industry leaders you admire 🤩;
- Experienced professionals 🧙🏾 who’ve successfully balanced professional advancement with personal fulfillment;
- Older family members or friends you deeply respect and admire.
How to Find Your North Stars
To find these valuable advisors, look beyond your immediate workplace and everyday network. For instance:
- Leverage professional networks like LinkedIn to find accessible role models, thought leaders, etc.;
- Attend industry conferences or community meetups;
- Join professional associations.
Be bold: Reach out to people you admire and ask for a coffee ☕ chat.
The key is to be authentic in your approach – share your goals, show genuine interest in their insights, and be specific about how their experience could guide your journey.
2. Peers Group: Your Fellow Travelers
While you might have specific goals different from one another, your peers are those at a similar stage in life or career/business. These individuals:
- Share common challenges and triumphs;
- Offer relatable advice based on parallel experiences;
- Celebrate your milestones and empathize with your struggles.
This group helps you feel seen and understood in your journey. They provide real-time support, practical advice, and a safe space to discuss workplace dynamics, and brainstorm similar questions.
The power of a peers group lies in its immediacy and relatability ➡️ These are the people who understand exactly what you mean when you talk about the challenges of being the only woman of color in leadership meetings, or the complexities of negotiating your first management role.
How to Find Your Fellow Travelers
Building this group often happens naturally through:
- Work connections;
- Peer-driven initiatives, like book clubs or mastermind groups;
- Professional development programs/communities/forums;
- Neighborhood associations or committees; or,
- Industry networking events.
The key is to nurture these relationships beyond casual acquaintances into meaningful professional friendships.
Regular check-ins, shared learning experiences, and mutual support during life/career transitions can strengthen these bonds
3. Learning Group: Your Growth Partners
Unlike other groups in your village, the learning group has a specific focus: growth through shared learning experiences and skill development. It consists of:
- Individuals passionate about similar topics or skills;
- People committed to elevating themselves and each other;
- Members who prioritize personal development over socializing.
These are the people who share your passion for continuous learning and professional development. On the one hand, you might meet 👯 quarterly to discuss new industry trends, share knowledge, or collaborate on skill-building projects. On the other hand, they keep you accountable 👀 and challenge you to continuously improve 👋🏾.
The beauty of a learning group is its dedicated focus on growth without the pressure of social obligations.💨
They might be on different career or life paths, but they share your commitment to continuous improvement and intellectual curiosity.
How to Find Your Growth Partners
Finding your learning group might require more intentional effort. Online platforms and professional communities can be excellent starting points for connecting with others who share your learning interests.
- Look for workshops, courses, or online learning cohorts;
- Consider professional development groups, professional book clubs or other work-driven activities in your industry;
- Create your own learning circle focused on the topics you’re passionate about.
4. Sisters Group: Your Emotional Anchors
Your sisters group represents your longest-standing and most personal connections. These relationships often span years or even decades, with some dating back to school days. These are your lifelong allies; women who have journeyed through different seasons of life with you.
Characteristics include:
- Deep, time-tested connections;
- A willingness to support each other unconditionally;
- A shared history that grounds and uplifts you.
What makes this group special is that..
…these women have seen you through various life seasons, celebrated your victories, and helped you recover from setbacks.
While your career paths might differ significantly, these relationships provide essential emotional grounding and perspective. They’re also a significant source of emotional security 🫂 and remind you of your essence.
How to Find Your Emotional Anchors
This group often forms organically through shared life experiences, but it requires intentional nurturing to maintain these connections as life paths diverge.
- Rekindle relationships from earlier stages of life;
- Focus on nurturing current friendships with consistency and care: regular check-ins, annual gatherings, or virtual catch-ups can help maintain these vital relationships.
Challenges and Strategies for Integrating These Groups
Should These Groups Be Meshed?
While some overlap can be enriching, each group serves a distinct purpose. Here’s how to manage integration effectively:
- Selective overlap: Invite individuals from different groups to events or projects where their strengths align.
- Respect boundaries: Understand that not all connections need to evolve into friendships.
Building Cohesion in Your Support System
- Regular check-ins:
- Create a cadence for interactions, like quarterly meetups or monthly calls.
- Be intentional about this cadence and do your best to respect it.
- I personally add reminders in my agenda. I don’t trust my brain to remember things when life is hell of lifing! 🤯
- If you can’t meet or talk, send a text 📲.
- Life happens, we can all understand that. So, as much as possible, avoid ghosting 📵📴 unannouncedly for significant periods of time.
- Express gratitude:
- Recognize the role each person plays in your life and show appreciation.
- How someone impacts positively your life should be unequivocal to that person.
- Adapt with intention: As your life evolves, allow your village to grow and shift accordingly.
Personal Reflections and Lessons Learned
Friendship, to me, is an ensemble of bridges 🌉 linking two lives. Over time, these bridges multiply (babies, marriages, deaths, first home, etc.), allowing deeper connections. Sometimes, bridges can also collapse and relationships may stop progressing. We have to grow okay with stagnating relationships (not all relationships need to go to the deep end) and with letting people go without resentment or bitterness.
On the career 👩🏾💼 side, my first manager remains a cherished mentor because she supported my growth and owned her role in my learning journey. However, I’ve realized the importance of diversifying my board of directors to gain fresh insights as my professional goals and context evolve.
Similarly, my foray into entrepreneurship 👷🏾♀️ highlighted gaps in my support system. Neither my peers nor sisters group share this desire and experience. So it made me seek a learning group of fellow founders or budding entrepreneurs. Overall, my entrepreneurial journey reaffirmed the value of being intentional about who occupies space in my village.
Closing Thoughts
Building your village is not a one-time effort but an evolving practice. It might sound overcomplicated and you might think “relationships should flow and not be scrutinized” or that it is selfish to only think about what you need.
But surrounding yourself with the right people requires intention, courage, and reciprocity. With a capital R on Reciprocity because, I think that, at a minimum, you should be for others what you request of them.
TL;DR – Surrounding Yourself With the Right People: Building Your Village
Building a strong support system or “village” is essential for women, especially those from visible minorities, to thrive in their personal and professional life. This village includes four key groups:
- Board of Directors: Experienced mentors guiding life/career decisions and inspiring growth.
- Peers Group: Women at similar life/career stages offering relatable support and encouragement.
- Learning Group: Like-minded individuals focused on skill-building and personal development.
- Sisters Group: Longstanding relationships providing emotional grounding and security.
Each group plays a distinct role but can work together as a cohesive network through regular check-ins, gratitude, and intentionality.
Building this village requires courage, reciprocity, and effort, but the rewards—personal growth, confidence, and joy—make it worthwhile.
Remember: life is too rich and complex to navigate alone. The right village will not only support your goals but also remind you of your infinite potential. So choose your village wisely!
Now, who will you invite to your village today?
